No Flowers or Chocolates?

Here in Mundaring, still, life has been plodding along. Still doing odd days of relief but mostly hankering to buy my coffee caravan and get going with my own business.

Mostly it has been fine although, as always there have been down moments. This is mainly because I feel completely uninspired to do anything, which means I am utterly bored. More importantly however, I feel like I’m in a perpetual waiting room awaiting to be called in, or, reading and re-reading a ‘preface’ in a book eagerly awaiting to delve into the next chapter. It’s a process, it’s a process, blah, blah, blah (Greta stole that phrase from me btw). While I’ve been in this limbo-land what’s a girl to do but bake and eat. A few kgs later and I feel worse. Oh AND lets not forget those wonderful moaning whores (hormones) for an added dose of wtf is going on in my life but, as always, thank goodness for my Prince Charles. He can always be relied upon to keep it real. Oh and it hasn’t all been bad. Despite the fact that I am wondering where the hell my 30-year-old-flat-stomach-body has disappeared to (likely off the face of the earth forever more) and seem to be in a perpetual ‘not my beau jour’, it’s lovely to be around my friends (who diplomatically say I look well, aka ‘jeez you’re looking more rounded and aged) and my sister. We go for coffees, cold therapy, and long walks with my boy to places I haven’t been before (such as Bell’s Rapids – stunning). I also maintain a rigorous daily walking routine with Charles as otherwise I fear his testicles will explode. As for any developments on the love-life front, let’s all take a moment…Prince Charles – the boy with the bollox.

OMG I was absolutely mortified yesterday when I took Prince Charles for a quick walk, quick root more like! OMG my dog is a rapist. As I was pleasantly meandering up towards the golf course club house I spotted the delectable ‘Molly’. A beautiful chocolate labrador who is enjoying the senior years of her life in a state of calm, serenity, and peace. In her younger years poor Molly was pimped out by her horrible previous owners but was rescued by a lovely couple who do a wonderful job of protecting her from dogs like PRINCE CHARLES. No sooner had I spotted her that Charlie had taken off like a dog possessed. Nek minit…there was Prince Charles mounted on Molly having a good old shag. Poor girl. I was livid. Shouted my lungs out at him. I swiftly ran up to him and pulled him off and apologised profusely to Molly and her owner for the complete lack of chivalry on Prince Charles’ part. No flowers, no chocolates, no wooing – just straight into rooting. Naughty Charlie. That night whilst curled up in bed with Charlie next to me, I spoke to him about the virtues of wooing a girl, going slow, treating her like a lady. He looked at me blankly, liked my face, rolled on to his back, showed off his bollox and fell asleep – noice!

Author: vetskitravels

Hi! My name's Yvette and I'm a gorgeous, blond, my life is better with paleo, vegan, with a dash of just the right amount of exercise and healthy fats yogi with a PHD in meditation. Now don't get jealous but I look fabulous when I get out of bed in the morning with no smelly breath whatsoever - EVER - I have a model husband, 6 perfect children and 2 dogs. Furthermore, I cook and take artsy narcissistic photos of the food I prepare. You know I'm an all-woman of the 21st LGBTQRST century phenomenon. So come join me on my little side project. Mwah. View all posts by vetskitravels