Life is…

Hello everybody, might need to arm yourself with a cubbadee (cup of tea). Bit of a long entry. Onwards go the adventures with (Bonnie Prince) Charlie.

Just over a week ago Charlie and I drove Big Bessie 1500km from Karratha back to Perth. Whilst we would have loved to stay in Karratha it was time to move on and head back to work out our next chapter.

I’m not going to pretty things up and say everything has been golden sunrises, stunning sunsets, and days filled with joy and laughter since leaving Purnululu. It certainly has not. In my head I’ve been grappling with where ‘my place’ is and feeling kind of homeless. No family, no job, no place of my own. It’s been tough. I have moments when I really wonder what the point of it all is and of course in retrospect I have a lot to be thankful for. Objectively there is much to smile about but sometimes you’re just in a deep, dark, hole. Alone. In pain, in anguish, in confusion, in despair, in tears, lying in a foetal position on the shower floor hoping the water will wash away life’s dirt.

Last time I wrote, I wrote about my plans to move back to Europe but then whilst in Karratha, I took a punt and applied for a Steiner teaching job in Darwin. I had a positive interview, was offered the role, and was all set to go when the contract I had signed and sent off suddenly got retracted. It was all very inconsiderate, shocking and just plain poor human behaviour. In some warped, cosmic way it just wasn’t for me. I can write about this experience now in a few simple sentences but at the time of being rejected yet again, I was in an utter state of anger, disbelief, confusion, and hurt. I had told all my family and friends I was starting a new life in Darwin, had signed up to various real estate websites (that was such a mission. With a dog you are extremely limited and rentals are expensive), booked Big Bessie in for some TLC (aka a service) and mentally psyched myself for the 2600km drive north. I also had to start the process to re-register as a Northern Territory teacher so you can imagine my utter shock when the proverbial carpet had been pulled out from under me. Pretty demoralising, especially when in the lead up to leaving, the principal of the school told me how excited she was to have me join the team, helped me look for accommodation – it was all a bit bizarre. Between making the decision to head back to Perth and yet another job rejection I carried on doing relief ever mindful of encroaching on my dear friends’ space. Constantly in my head were the words, “what the hell am I going to do?”

As much as I love teaching children, I absolutely loathe the system and I am loathe to be a part of it. The WA curriculum absolutely insults every child’s intelligence. Shame on the ministers and the so called academics with their PHD’s who think up and indeed prescribe this rubbish. Teaching through PowerPoint, iPads, scripted spelling lessons, worksheets upon worksheets, stickers, stickers, stickers, stories being read to children by a person on bloody YouTube. All of it delivered on a massive black hole of a screen. (Oh but meanwhile telling the children and their parents to limit screen time. The insanity of it all. I heard on the radio yesterday that there are now counsellors who specifically help children with screen addiction. Floored me. Absolutely floored me). Children as young as 6 expected to write and dream up stories as if they are young novelists. Told to deconstruct their stories with setting, characters, the problem, the solution. It’s just soul destroying. Furthermore, when these poor sods comply, 9 times out of 10 their work is a re-telling of some Fortnite scenario. Full of extreme violence and of course nothing original or imaginative. What the hell people. Is this really the best we can offer our children? No wonder they are anxious, have ADHD, ADD, and autism (what’s with all the a-words by the way?). Oh and classrooms filled to the brim with stuff, stuff, stuff, complete sensory overload. It’s all so thoughtless. Mindless. Mechanical. Mental. Poor children.

Back in rainy Mundaring, even though I have a home of sorts it definitely no longer feels like my home. I’m now a visitor. Passing through. My stuff is all boxed up sitting here waiting, like me, to be picked up (actually I don’t want to be picked up – not in that way) and delivered to the next forever home. All I have is my best friend Charlie and Big Bessie. Thank god for my doggie and my set of wheels!

In the land of bed, staring out of my window what next? What next? I know I won’t teach anymore ( I just can’t be another cog in the machine) given there is no room for free, critical thinking individuality, but I do know I need to do something creative. Moping around and having thoughts of ending it just isn’t really ‘me’. I know I have more than that. I feel, like boredom, that when you hit such an incredible low, this is where the good stuff brews and bubbles away. The lily that grows from the mud. The re-invention. The digging deep to figure out what lies in your soul. It is a painful process and there are times when I feel I just don’t know myself anymore, but here it is. I’m off to sell coffees! WHAT? I hear you scream (or maybe not). Yep, coffees. Why not? I love coffee and to be honest selling them is something I’ve secretly dreamt about for a long time. To be my own boss, have Charlie accompany me, and travel around the various festivals and events with coffee caravan in tow, I really like the idea. I have my business name all set (watch this space) and my deadly jidjas (sistas) Bec and Karen have offered to help me in my quest to become Yvette the barista. Honestly, I feel excited. First time in a long, long time. I’m designing my logo, looking at colour schemes, buying a roof-top tent so I can camp as I travel. It’s putting a smile on my face. Nice. Besides coffee, I also have a few other ideas racing round my mind as side-line projects but I’m not going to say too much about those at this stage. Suffice to say they all involve my desire to create.

So there you have it my friends. Yvette the entrepreneur! Uh-huh! Who knew? Adventures with Charlie to be continued…